I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You're my little dorito
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
