listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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