someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
