Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
