I just threw up on my dentist
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
