There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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