i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
