apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
