Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
