Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
FUCK WHALES
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
