he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
