you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
