im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
