pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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