i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
