im having a threesome with these popsicles
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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