She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
