NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
