This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
