Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
