i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
