sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
