Grow some girl-balls and come out already
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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