Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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