It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
