The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
