Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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