i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
