so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
