I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
