How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
