You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
His nipple licking is glorious
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