you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
