you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
