when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
