We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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