All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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