i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
