my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
