i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
