it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
