Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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