I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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