Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
