Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
