His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
