Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
