There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
