come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
