i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
