He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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