My cat gives me a boner
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
