so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
