Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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